Funny Quotes · Page 424

Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more.

— Magda Gerber

There is in superstition a senseless fear of God.

— Marcus Tullius Cicero

Is there a tumor in your humor?

— Robbie Williams

I really doubt you'd understand my homework.

— Anonymous

I wasnt a good rule-breaker when I was younger.

— John Gallagher, Jr

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

— Judy Blume

If you avoid failure, you also avoid success.

— Robert Kiyosaki

There's no job too immense, when you got confidence.

— Elvis Presley

In the places I go there are things that I see that I never could spell if I stopped with the Z.

— Dr. Seuss

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a…

— George Carlin

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

— Jimmy Carr

Of course my clothes are on the floor. I'm a guy, that is where I hang them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!

— Nikhil Saluja

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

— Scott Adams

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

— Will Rogers

I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.

— Cary Elwes

If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize…

— Paul Harvey

“No, little one, George's ghost won't come back. Human beings don't have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple." "How can you say…

— Leonie Swann

If thou art called to pass through tribulations; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among…

— Joseph Smith

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates…

— Conan O'Brien

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to pay him if he ever has to…

— Andy Waits

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go…

— Robert Paul

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings…

— Charles Dickens

Studying expands knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, crime doesnt pay. Why study?

— Anonymous

Anything you undertake will be possible to accomplish.

— Roger McDonald

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

— Nikhil Saluja

Mere enthusiasm is the all in all.

— William Blake

Repetition doesn't really exist

— Brian Eno

We see but in dreams the ideal.

— Henri Cazalis

I have deceived my friends, and I had millions of them.

— Charles Van Doren

What you don’t know can be your greatest asset

— Sara Blakely

I vill now destroy the snickuh bahrs!

— James Patterson

When it comes to improv, Specifics beget specifics.

— Craig Cackowski

A lot of men are competitive about being funny.

— Arden Myrin

Stand up and finish what you started

— Bob Harper

ThanksGiving is good but ThanksLiving is better.

— Matthew Henry

Only you yourself can be your liberator!

— Wilhelm Reich

It’s the whole or it’s nothing.

— Gavin Schmidt

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

— Dennis Miller

No freedom without renunciation.

— Swami Vivekananda