Funny Quotes · Page 387

Lindy Hoppers never die - they just swing out.

— Frankie Manning

The flaw is the thing we love.

— Gail Caldwell

You're nobody 'til somebody kills you.

— The Notorious B.I.G

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

— Mark Twain

I’ve kissed death a thousand times before

— SZA

Iraq will spread them even more and chop them up.

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Prayer is the laying aside of thoughts.

— Evagrius Ponticus

Clever is the eunuch version of funny.

— George Meyer

“Outrageous!" said Apalling. "Apalling!" said Outrageous.”

— Cuthbert Soup

I feel lazy. In fact, I'm feeling lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese_flag.

— Ismail Ibrahim

It is not just about the money, it is about what you achieve on the pitch

— Ronaldinho

I feel honoured to know Donghae Hyung, but when I'm with him, I feel like I'm more like the hyung.

— Cho Kyuhyun

Deals work best when each side gets something it wants from the other.

— Donald Trump

I hate when ugly people say I need my beauty sleep. BITCH you need to hibernate. xD

— Anonymous

No sense in being a grifter if it's the same as being a citizen.

— Paul Newman

I think that you can make a drama and have it be intensely funny, and vice versa.

— Jason Gann

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore…

— Douglas Adams

“how tall is it?" [The Harps] "according to the sagas, it links through time and space and keeps our world and your…

— Kathryn James

Fast pitch softball is just as dangerous as baseball. The ball is bigger so you can see it better, but the size…

— Sara Gilbert

The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience.

— Harold Lloyd

Saying you'll wake up early to get something done, then when you wake up, convincing yourself it's not important..

— Abhishek Ghosh

I think universities are trying to figure out how we could use what we know about learning to change our education system,…

— Alison Gopnik

I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy…

— Bill Engvall

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important…

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't think I'm like Shakespeare.

— Joss Whedon

Dreaming is a philogenetically older mode of thought.

— Carl Jung

Esquire needs to be more like a mommy blog

— Vera Farmiga

To me, drink responsibly means don't spill it.

— Nikhil Saluja

You think you're a wit, and you're probably half right.

— Anonymous

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Become more than what you were.

— Lee Labrada

A fetish is a story masquerading as an object.

— Robert Stoller

I counted them all out and I counted them all back.

— Brian Hanrahan

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

— Jerry Coleman

Few secret undertakings ever did any nation any good.

— Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr

I was very keen on playing a victim.

— Clive Owen

There can be no mercy without truth.

— Adrian Rogers

Police, open up! No, youre gonna yell at me .__.

— Anonymous

Is there no beginning to your good taste?

— Anonymous

One God, one market, one truth, one consumer

— Zack de la Rocha