When you talk like an asshole and look like an asshole, you're an asshole — John Lydon Copy Share Image
Teacher: I beautiful. What tense is this? Student: obviously past tense. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Age is a tyrant who forbids at the penalty of life all the pleasures of youth. — Francois La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
YES, I'm pregnant again. YES, I know what causes it. NO I don't think I've had too many! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can be not afraid to be laughed at, you could do so many things. — Mark Gonzales Copy Share Image
Lol. I'm at a hotel and theres no spoons in the room, so I'm eatingnutella with a straw. -. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“How do you want me to give you that warning?” he added, grinning. Sweat rolled down his chiselled back and he wagged… — Adele Rose Copy Share Image
A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Have I come at a bad time?" she managed to say without guffawing. I believe I said something on the order of… — Jeffrey Cohen Copy Share Image
The audience is so important. Because there's something that I might think is super funny, but if it's just not getting the… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father… — Weston Locher Copy Share Image
It's so funny, you go to acting school thinking you're going to learn how to be other people, but really it taught… — Lupita Nyong'o Copy Share Image
