Funny Quotes · Page 137

“When nature calls, I don't let it go to voicemail.”

— Nenia Campbell

I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!

— Nikhil Saluja

Knowledge is Power, and it's very lightweight.

— Cody Lundin

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

— Katharine Hepburn

What is yours is mine, and all mine is yours.

— Plautus

It's every Williams for themself.

— Venus Williams

“I had a dream about you last night... you were there.”

— Nicole McKay

I’m excited to see Ariana Grande

— Roshon Fegan

“He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James”

— Marthe Jocelyn

It is God himself who can be discovered in the beauty of sensible things.

— John Henry Newman

So we used to look for funny songs, and learn them and play them. And we used to play them in pubs.

— Neil Innes

It's funny that people just forget that I'm not Canadian.

— Auston Matthews

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

— Sid Caesar

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

— Shelley Berman

Put away your gods and come and worship ours, or we will kill you and your gods!

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

— Anonymous

Love is the jelly to sunshines peanut butter. And if I tell you that Im in sandwich with you, Im not just…

— Hussein Nishah

If you imagine yourself to be someone who is very uncomfortable in their own skin, then it does funny things to your…

— Rebecca Hall

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

— Tina Fey

The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club…

— Doug Stanhope

“Sometimes I wish my brain didn't always have to warn me about things. Stupid people seem to live such easy, carefree lives.”

— L.H. Cosway

“What if you didn't have time to draw them on one day? Or what if it rained and your eyebrows started dripping…

— Lauren Barnholdt

I find it very funny as well as touching that people associate me with these characters I play and form a connect…

— Pankaj Tripathi

I may not be smart, pretty, exciting, Fun, Funny as other people.But I'm myself. I'm Weird, Crazy, and just awkward. Haha,Thats me.…

— Jasmine

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

— Tim Vine

Acting is an empty and usless profession.

— Marlon Brando

The way you do anything is the way you do everything.

— Tom Waits

The less said about me the better.

— William Carey

And I'm scared. I'm scared for my life.

— Diplo

I was into Nickelback before they were cool.

— Streeter Seidell

Who is content with nothing possesses all things.

— Nicolas Boileau-Despreaux

Why has the word become such an uncomfortable one?

— Emma Watson

Thing I won't forget: The way you used to look at me.

— Anonymous

Why is everything so easy for me?

— Kristen Stewart

“Y are you called the cheese man?”

— Barbara Park

Beauty is transient and changes with time.

— Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

— Anonymous

To tell my story, to touch lives.

— Emmanuel Jal

People don't rise from nothing,

— Malcolm Gladwell

What you do comes from what you think.

— Marianne Williamson