Funny Quotes · Page 103

I never had to answer to anyone

— Peter Saville

As I remember it, the bases were loaded.

— Garry Maddox

I've seen the future and it's murder.

— Leonard Cohen

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— Marcel Marceau

It is better to will the good than to know the truth,

— Petrarch

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

— W. C. Fields

Death stung himself to death when he stung Christ.

— William Romaine

Things not worth doing are not worth doing well.

— Ken Blanchard

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

The Awkward Moment When You Have More Information In Your Facebook News Feed Than Your Local News Paper

— Sergio Cortes

God is not obligated to anoint what He does not initiate.

— Joyce Meyer

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

— Imelda Marcos

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

— Robert Frost

Hen my dad says to be home at 11.30, he doesn't mean be in the driveway, but inside the house by myself.

— Anonymous

I can’t see, unless the weather changes, the conditions changing dramatically.

— Peter Alliss

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his…

— Chic Murray

“Dude,” I said low. “All cornfields are haunted. Trust me. I know.” Then I came up on my elbows so I was…

— Kristen Ashley

We use similar products. Our focus industry is healthcare and hospitality. But we haven?t done anything interactive. The first day full of…

— Milton Jones

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into…

— Mitch Hedberg

When friends at work ask me to hang out I tell them I'm busy at home and friends at home that I'm…

— Nikhil Saluja

“Theodore- Hello, Grandmother. You're looking more beautiful than ever. His grandma- You did have to inherit your looks from someone.”

— Jen Turano

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me…

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Eating be eating, b'ain't it, Birdie?' 'Nay, Uncle Bear: In Caermelor, at the Royal Court, they be so-oh, so much more advanced…

— Cecilia Dart-Thornton

*home alone* Me: *sitting on couch watching TV* *doorbell rings* Me: THEY'VE COME TO GET ME! Me: *panics* Me: *hits the floor…

— Jamzy

the courage to receive time 's mightiest dream

— e. e. cummings

This is unparalyzed in the state's history.

— Gib Lewis

Open to others as you would like them to open to you.

— Gary Zukav

One must work with time and not against it.

— Ursula K. Le Guin

I just want to be funny. That ought to be enough.

— Nate Bargatze

Natural gas is colorless, tasteless, and odorless.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.

— Nikhil Saluja

But if you move fast, you can have your freedom.

— Chris Pavone

Everything has the energy of its making inside it.

— Andy Goldsworthy

Went to church and fasted all day.

— George Washington

Every time I see open space I see a mat on the floor

— Renzo Gracie

What would the Living One have me do?

— George MacDonald

Kindness comes with no price.

— Laurence Yep

I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

— Charlie Sheen

God…is the center of all selves.

— Valentin Tomberg

Love can not be expressed with words, but with money .

— TheTowraMowra