If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl will bring you breakfast in bed. A lady will be your breakfast in bed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Congratulations, you have officially earned the Dumber than a Box of Rocks Award. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Maybe there won't be stars, maybe there won't be retweets, but by God there'll be slying! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, GOOD, A man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WATERBED, A device that may help a marriage -- then again, the couple may drift apart — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
DEFENCE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I mention someone, get no replyback, and I'm left feeling like an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which the husband knows when to remember and a wife knows what to forget; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's normal to feel the way you do right now but trust me, it will get better. Good luck, be strong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It takes patience to listen... It takes skill to pretend that you are actually listening. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I usually admit when someone complains but that's only coz denying them requires explaining. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My wife just told me, You're fucking idiot considering as she's the only woman I love, then yes, it's a fair assumption. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God could not be with us every time we need support in our worst times of life, and therefore he made fathers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I'm on my deathbed, the nicest thing anyone can say to me is, You were right about everything. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Yest I climbed up a tree & read out a bird some of my tweets. She looked at me, shook her head… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
