Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 22

Why are you so funny? If she asks this question, you got her. She is yours.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thinking of punching these random street people in the face is an excellent way to waste an evening.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I loved her, but she had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is

— Nikhil Saluja

Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, You don't have AIDS, do you?

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :)

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can tell a lot about a person by their car… For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are Laughing WITH you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

— Nikhil Saluja

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when women say that all men want from them is sex, coz that's bullshit. We want you for blowjobs too.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who only lasts as long as a marriage -- an ex-wife is forever

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

— Nikhil Saluja

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain;

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

— Nikhil Saluja

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, In Japanese is called Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of Yes, dear;

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants. Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

How we all always forget that there are more people helping the victims than those people creating the victims.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.

— Nikhil Saluja

Give a compliment to a fat chick today, she'll literally remember you until the day she dies... Because elephants never forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, What a man blames things on when he can't figure a way to blame the government;

— Nikhil Saluja

Farting isn't ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.

— Nikhil Saluja