I didn't run into the wall, I was just checking to see how strong it was. (: — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I'm not racist. I date women from other different races if they have pink nipples. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dear alarm clock, It might be you they hit on, but it's me they're sleeping with. Sincerely, bed. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no-hitter! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? . . . Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I was 18 I met with a terrible accident. I was thrown out of a car window... by the boyfriend of… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies, if you give men a choice between two things they'll pick the first. They stopped listening and didn't hear the second — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Of course I look both ways when crossing a one way street. You never know what kind of idiot is behind the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hate when people assume I'm crazy & delusional rather than brave when I'm out fighting crime in my Superman costume. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Before smartphones life was terrible. I practically never stepped in dog shit. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The problem with many things is the pre-conceived ideas we have about them! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
According to the laws of probability, I have seen my neighbor's wife in panties. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I always try not to judge people. Which is probably why I lost my job as a judge — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Today, be the change you wish to see in the twitter. Block the assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share
I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it. — Green Monk Copy Share
I like those Birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me of the friends I need to Delete. — Green Monk Copy Share
