I think my baby might be connected to Al-Qaeda the way she blows up her diapers. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When you walk through life with a dirty mind, the simplest things seem funny — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life is like sex, you can either lie back and let it screw you OR you can get on top and ride… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Why do so many new brides get crow's feet as soon as they're married? From squinting and saying, Suck what? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
People don't come into your life by accident. Everyone that crosses your path serves a purpose — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Love is a complicated peice of machinery. Sometimes all you need is a good hammershot to fix it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If I had a $1.00 for every time my dad called me a failure…I wouldn't be a failure anymore — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I guess when you said forever you meant until you found someone better. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Boys , if you are going to lay down and make a baby , stand up and be a daddy — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share
I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it. — Green Monk Copy Share
I like those Birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me of the friends I need to Delete. — Green Monk Copy Share
