Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you have something stupid to say, please raise your hand and put it firmly over your mouth! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit it, we've all tried to accomplish as much as possible before the microwave stops. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
1st month of school: look nice and dress up. Rest of the school year: Rocking the homelss grandma look. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know you will not Believe me because I am too old But I have New Hope for you I have New… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you fall, fake friends smirk and walk away. True friends help you up and ask if you're okay. I am a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
NO,mom, It doesnt matter whether I go to bed at 9:00pm or 2:00am, when I wake up tomorrow at 6am I'll be… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a man tells you that he's fallen in love at first sight with you, just punch him. It's just another way… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you get a text while you're walking and you start to walk slower and slower til youre just standing there texting. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This happens to me EVERY TIME I'm telling my mom the truth. I start to laugh so hard I cry..And I don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Orange People, There's a difference between looking Tann Or looking like you rolled around in a bag of Cheetos ! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Social networking is like a club. Twitter is the dance floor, tumblr is the bar and facebook is the people crying in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing I plan to accomplish at work today is to turn a gallon of coffee into a gallon of piss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I only got a toilet seat cushion so my face would be comfortable after an intense night of drinking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't give any kinda fruit away this Halloween trick or treaters don't want that shit. Sincerely, kids — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One reason I dont drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to remind you that everything is funny as long as its not happening to you. Happy April Fools Day! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't need a girlfriend my studies irritates me everyday, that's enough. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're all excited about openinga present, and when you open it,it sucks — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Question- how can you make god laugh??? Answer- tell him about your future plans. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Instead of b*tching about me in your status, just tag me in it next time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May you someday have the same right as straight men to subject a spouse to humiliating sex scandals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tomorrow night is nothing but one long sleepless wrestle with yesterdays omissions and regrets. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't believe you haven't finished the thing I forgot to tell you to start. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know it's going to be a long day when you yell 'Seriously?!?' at your alarm clock. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just saw a fat guy with a shirt that said: I beat anorexia. Defiantly made my day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Flies only live for 24 hours,except for the ones that get into your room.Those ones magically live forever. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
