Everyone's in a relationship and I'm just sitting here like yep… I love my pet'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Have fun visiting an exotic international destination and interacting only with other American tourists. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Guys use the word friendship to start a relationship. Girls use the word friendship to end it... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When times are troubled, SMILE. When disaster threatens, LAUGH. When asked your age, LIE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Did it hurt when you fell from the top of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What is the best sexual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?… Ask my parents! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
School is pointless! English: We speak it. History: They're dead, get over it. Math: 1+1 = 2 Beyonce taught us that. Spanish: We have Dora... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear parents, I had my whole weekend planned out before you said thatlittle two letter word. Sincerely, now I have NO friends. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls on Periods - I'm fine. I hate you. I love you. I want ice cream. Come here. Get away. You're cute.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving, you get food. Christmas, you get gifts. New Year's, you have drinks. Valentine's, you have sex. Birthday, you can do all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's your 60th birthday! Did you hear me? Hey...'It's your 60th birthday!' Hope your year is better than those ears! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mom, it's so great how much closer we've gotten since you started texting instead of calling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When girls can't take a compliment: Your so prettyNo I'm not, I'm ugly WELL SHIT, YOU UGLY THEN, DAMN — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They say you should never work with children or animals… Isn't that right, Rolf? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
OMG DiD YOU GET BRACES!?!?!?!!? í!?nah, I just decided to bedazzle my teeth. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For Halloween I'm just gonna wear no makeup and natural hair and go as a monster. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I beat someone at something and their excuse is, 'I wasn't even trying.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I didn't do it... Then why are you laughing? Cause whoever did it, is a freaking genius! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everything becomes 100 times louder when you aren't trying to wake someone... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awwwh, Your Dating My Ex.? That's Cute, I'm Eating a Samwitch Do You Want Those Leftovers Too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when a parent bursts into the room and you switch tabs faster than lightning. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For the girls that tell you all guys are the same, nobody told you to try them all out... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You don't need you to remind me of my age,I have my bladderto do that for me! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you don't know how to say farewell, put on a Kermit and let him say it — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Kid: Mom stop you are not funny. You never makes jokes. Mom: I made you. 24 April 2012÷ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Regular naps prevent old age,especially when you take them while driving. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
