Love your enemies. They'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wasn't that drunk... Dude, you were in my bathroom begging my sponge for the krabby patty formula. e_e — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love you enough to be seen in public wearing matching Halloween costumes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you ever see me drinking a Bud Lite Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm done trying. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'll probably text you tomorrow, but fuck you. (how I feel all the time..) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Even when the sex is great, sometimes women just want to be held, shown attention and listened to attentively making them feel… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Advice of the day: If you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right, always go with what… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment that when you are walking on the street, remember something very funny and can't stop smiling like a retard — Anonymous Copy Share Image
IMPOSSIBILITIES OF THE WORLD: ~You can't count your hair~ ~You can't wash your eyes with soap~ ~You can't breathe when your tongue… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
During my school days my teacher always used to wear sun glasses, do you know why? Because I was such a bright… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just called the police on my girlfriend. She hasn't committed a crime, I just want them to come and remind her she… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so I killed him. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tip for losing weight: Turn your head left, then turn right. Repeat every time you are asked to eat…lol — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitch, please your so ugly that gold fish crackers don't even smile back! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They should make a beer called Mondays. That would be a case of the Mondays I wouldn't mind having. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My Hanukkah wish is to be in a relationship that lasts longer than eight days. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you try to high five someone and you both miss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Shut the fuck up ur so annoying and you think your the shit lmao sit the fuck down — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
After reading the TJ Hooper case, a lady in class asked Torts professor if Learned Hand was an actual person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
