Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 50

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness;

— Nikhil Saluja

I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

— Becca

It has been scientifically proven that the less you know, the more you think you know.

— Nikhil Saluja

Revenge is a dish best served on the boobs a couple of times.

— Nikhil Saluja

I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

— Nikhil Saluja

If there was a cure for stupidity, Id post it and cure you all.

— Anonymous

Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay.

— Alec Straub

The awkward moment when the teacher points at the person behind you and you think the teacher was pointing at you so…

— Anonymous

If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

— Anonymous

When you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's either a new car...or a new girl!

— Anonymous

You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!!

— Nikhil Saluja

If you want to get your children's attention, just look real comfortable, talk on the phone,or try to have a conversation with…

— Anonymous

Its almost halloween... there already treating your hoe like a pumpkin just to smash her!!!

— Patrick Thomas

White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!'

— Anonymous

I tried taking everything in Life with a grain of salt, but after using up two bags of salt, I gave up.

— Hussein Nishah

If you think you're having a bad day just picture a T-Rex trying to masturbate.

— Anonymous

Joan Rivers turned into one of the people she used to make fun of.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's gonna be okay. Yeah.. because it's not happening to you..

— Tanya Bianco

A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja

The thirst people have because they want a Valentine.

— Anonymous

Some of the best and worst lies Ive ever told are excuses for why Im late.

— Lars Propst

My uncle is in a coma - he's living the dream.

— Nikhil Saluja

The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.

— Anonymous

It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

— Nikhil Saluja

Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

— Aicel

Woman say:NO, PIZZA'S FINE Woman means:you cheap slob!

— Nikhil Saluja

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

— Anonymous

Time is a great healer but a lousy beautician.

— Nikhil Saluja

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Like wars, fights are started by people who dont get hit.

— Chris Rock

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

— Nikhil Saluja

IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT AND I'M AT HOME ON FACEBOOK DON'T LAUGH SO ARE YOU...

— Anonymous

When a girl says have fun She means have a horrible time without me. Not true... Maybe!

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never killed an unfollower but I should definitely take a shot at it.

— Nikhil Saluja

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

— Anonymous

Changing your entire message because you don't know how to spell one word!..

— Anonymous

Guys are Blue, and Gurls are Pink. Lets go make some Purple!..

— Anonymous

Oh, you say BRB Shower and never come back? Please tell me how much your water bill is.

— Tanya Bianco