Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 49

I'll be ready in 5 minutes is exactly the same as I'll be home in 5 minutes.

— Ewshy

Please don't wear skinny jeans, if you don't have any skinny genes.

— Seth Rogen

Laziness is the definition of being very active & doing nothing.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish I had Dora's mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.

— Tanya Bianco

What you see is what you get, so make your move you wont regret.

— Anonymous

Humility is a virtue until one becomes proud of it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sucks when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore!!! ~Sean Stafford

— Kevin McCarty

I made sure it was nice & warm, demolished some of it & got tired of eating it so I swallowed the…

— Syoung

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones.

— Anonymous

I hate that moment when I thought my phone was charging, when it wasn't even plugged in!..

— Anonymous

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook is kind of like a refrigerator. You get bored & keep checking, but nothing ever changes

— Itsme867

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat

— Anonymous

The day Facebook adds a Who Cares? button will be the best day ever!

— Arjun Loveable

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday

— Hussein Nishah

I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'

— Avan Nathan

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry

— Hussein Nishah

Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

— Anonymous

A small man can cast a large shadow, especially when a fat man is standing behind him.

— MJ McGuire

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A species of worm which is afraid to turn;

— Nikhil Saluja

Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter

— Nikhil Saluja

Friend: Dude, that song is soo old. Me: So is your momm but you still listen to her.

— Pretty Ladii

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom

— Hussein Nishah

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'

— Anonymous

When somebody says f-ck my life... I say life may f-ck you and walkway

— Ted

Oh, you hate Mondays? You're so unique, you must be the only one!

— Tanya Bianco

Diet rule 1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories

— Hussein Nishah

"All you do is sit on Facebook all day" Lies. I sit on the chair.

— Anonymous

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you clean up... you can find some interesting things.

— Anonymous

You are born free,then you are taxed to death.

— Anonymous

Facebook… Half Social Network… Half Shoe Store! Didnt Know I Was At The Mall.

— J Create

That awkward moment when you press CTRL + W and never knew what it did until then.

— Anonymous

I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's.

— Anonymous