Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 47

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

— Anonymous

LOVE, The only fire for which there is no insurance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm.

— Nikhil Saluja

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

— Anonymous

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls.

— Anonymous

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

— Nikhil Saluja

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

— Hussein Nishah

Followers, because calling them The people who are witnessing your failure is too sad.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thinks its funny when girls use slutty profile pics to get attention, might as well have a status that says my shit…

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

— Nikhil Saluja

In movies when ever people go under the sea I hold my breath, I almost died in Finding Nemo.

— Hussein Nishah

The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.

— Anonymous

Never underestimate the power of a girl and her ability to figure shit out. It's like they're the whole entire CIA in…

— ViPham

Facebook is so curious,anytime I tell him what's on my mind,he still asks me that question again and again.

— Anita Cobblah

Guys, Girls don't like it when call them names that you associate other girls with like, Babe, Hun, Darling… Etc

— Joel Taylor

I'll call it a smart phone the day I yell, Where's my phone?! and it answers, I'm here! Under your bed!

— Kollkid

Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina.

— Anonymous

Every time I get poked, I laugh...((Feeling like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!)) :)

— Shirley Ramos

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

— Anonymous

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job.

— Nikhil Saluja

2 Chainz looks like the bagel guy from iCarly.

— Anonymous

Turning into a Ninja when your phone rings in another room!

— Becca

When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on.

— Nikhil Saluja

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'

— Anonymous

They changed the name to 'Facebook' because 'Stalk My Ex' seemed a little too creepy.

— Anonymous

Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

— Anonymous

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not lazy, I'm a master of energy conservation...

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

— Hussein Nishah

I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

Thirsty dudes make ugly girls think they're cute.

— Anonymous

You're such a boob. Just tittin. You're my best friend.

— Anonymous

A girl leaves you breathless after sex. The woman leaves you in a coma.

— Nikhil Saluja

I changed my car horn sound to gun shots, people move out of the way much faster now.

— Itsme867