Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 46

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown?

— Nikhil Saluja

If voting could really change things, It would be illegal.

— Nikhil Saluja

I live like I type...fast and with tons of mistakes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama's so fat I swerved to avoid her and ran out of gas!

— Alec Straub

Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.

— Enhance Dreams

Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard.

— Anonymous

Have u ever smashed a girl who's stomach lookd like balld up homework

— Anonymous

I dont hate you¦Im just not necessarily excited about your existence.

— Anonymous

This ho says boy I got high heels bigger than your dick, sikee reply bitch I got sneakers fresher than your Pussy...

— Kevin Mccarty

Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you're home alone and you hear a strange noise & you're just like - _ - WTF! WHO'S THERE?!

— Itsme867

The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter of civilization

— Hussein Nishah

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones.

— Anonymous

I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to…

— Nikhil Saluja

A guy sitting with his girlfriend, drinking beer says, "I love you". Girl asks "Is it you or the beer talking?". Boy…

— Anonymous

My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So now I have to sit down when I…

— Carlos De'shawn Banks

Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones.

— Anonymous

Sometimes, all you need is a loaded Gun and some of your favorite assholes to shoot at.

— Rajdeep Sarkar

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

A suicide note written by somebody who is not suicidal is an autobiography.

— Dane Cook

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

— Anonymous

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

— Anonymous

It's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard.

— Anonymous

I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched 'Disney Channel' today, he would cry

— Anonymous

If you want to find a prince, you're supposed to kiss a frog. Not f*ck the whole pond.

— Pretty Ladii

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

— Anonymous

If days of the week were sex acts, Monday would be a dry, passionless, handjob...

— Anonymous

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is on listening terms with his wife

— Nikhil Saluja

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say sweat is fat crying, Boy please you cry more that you sweat during workouts

— CJ

It's going to be Drizzy outside today...expect a Lil Wayne.

— Anonymous

Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.

— Pretty Ladii

I hate people that starts a Facebook post with I hate people datàªlol¬

— IG:catone_2_funny

Vice: Anything you enjoy that is bad for you

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do tests on animals if we have pedophiles in prison.

— Anonymous

Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

— Anonymous

I decided to burn some calories so I set a fat kid on fire.

— Anonymous

You never realize what you have until its gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

— Itsme867