Funny facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 18

You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

For the 5th time: I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party Freak! My dog is getting married that day!

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a knife-sharpener but I couldn't stand the daily grind.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I missed your call, please send a text that says I called you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate knowing that I care more about other people than other people will ever care about me

— Nikhil Saluja

My sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think I'm stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out

— Nikhil Saluja

People on a diet should have a salad dressing called 250 Islands.

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex, most women are like the government. All talk, no action.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, PERFECT, is, in a man's second marriage, her first mate

— Nikhil Saluja

I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away.

— Nikhil Saluja

Even if women came with Terms & Conditions, you still wouldnt read them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Of course my clothes are on the floor. I'm a guy, that is where I hang them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some smoke after sex. Some sleep after sex. Others just cuddle. I remove traces of my DNA.

— Nikhil Saluja

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tip: Speak English. Kiss French. Drive German. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean.

— Nikhil Saluja

''SYMPATHY''... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! ''JEALOUSY''... You have to Earn it…!!!!!!!

— Nikhil Saluja

There are caregivers and there are caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this?

— Nikhil Saluja

Writing a tweet is not like impressing someone. Don't try too hard.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage;

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OF COURSE I LOVE YOU Woman means:just not in that way.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint.

— Nikhil Saluja

If my zipper is down, that's my problem, you didn't see anything!

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion.

— Nikhil Saluja

Congratulations, you have officially earned the Dumber than a Box of Rocks Award.

— Nikhil Saluja

While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime I find a dead body, I wish it was a pizza. Every time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Maybe there won't be stars, maybe there won't be retweets, but by God there'll be slying!

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, GOOD, A man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox

— Nikhil Saluja

I mention someone, get no replyback, and I'm left feeling like an idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done.

— Nikhil Saluja