I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instead of raising awareness for bullying, how about parents just stop raising assholes? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Earlier I used to feel like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. Especially during the first nine months. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say you can never win from a woman in an arguement, I say you can never win from a woman in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I follow you, don't tweet about your boyfriend because I'm your boyfriend until further notice. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You don't understand me and never will, so don't start that shit about knowing how I feel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Leo and she's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, That delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock {John Barrymore}; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This Is The Beginning Of A New Day! You Have Been Given This Day To Use As You Will! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If her husband walks in while you're fucking her... ask him to join. You're already fucked anyways... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Astronaut restaurant review from the moon: The food is fine but there's not much atmosphere. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would never mind being in an odd abusive relationship, if my girlfriend would punch me with her tits. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's the WiFi password here? is the new Finally I decided to visit you — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If beer pong was one of the event in the Olympics, I would get gold for sure. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In time your heart will heal. Have a little faith in your decision, I know it wasn't an easy one for you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A woman goes to a palm reader and hears that her husband will die a violent death. She asks, Will I be… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I dont have commitment issues, I been buying the same brand of whiskey for 8 years — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
