Funny facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 19

I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe…

— Nikhil Saluja

It's normal to feel the way you do right now but trust me, it will get better. Good luck, be strong.

— Nikhil Saluja

Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten!

— Nikhil Saluja

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch.

— Nikhil Saluja

What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

I usually admit when someone complains but that's only coz denying them requires explaining.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still…

— Nikhil Saluja

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife just told me, You're fucking idiot considering as she's the only woman I love, then yes, it's a fair assumption.

— Nikhil Saluja

God could not be with us every time we need support in our worst times of life, and therefore he made fathers.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal newspapers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yest I climbed up a tree & read out a bird some of my tweets. She looked at me, shook her head…

— Nikhil Saluja

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding…

— Nikhil Saluja

Hitman: The one who kills people for money. Hitwoman: The one who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. Woman means:We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

Personnely I think that conservatives & liberals should move towards the middle of the road. Makes it easier to run'em over.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, please help me find a match for this sock. What for? Are you going to set it on fire?

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something which combines the two greatest powers on earth -- war and peace;

— Nikhil Saluja

My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times.

— Nikhil Saluja

They always say to treat people the way you want to be treated. So far, I've given 4 handjobs today.

— Nikhil Saluja

WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines.

— Nikhil Saluja

Marriage paralyzes men from the neck up and women from the waist down.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing is sadder than a guy who complains on Facebook about how shitty his sex life is.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife always bring these injured animals to home. I think she should just stop driving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't listen to the radio. Every love song reminds me of you. It hurts.

— Nikhil Saluja

After cooking dinner tonight, I realized there is no straight way to wash a carrot.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing a woman wants people saying behind her back is nice ass.

— Nikhil Saluja

For all the young girls getting tattoos, Remember: A butterfly on the back becomes a buzzard in the crack when you get…

— Nikhil Saluja

Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. -- A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

I once arm wrestled the Incredible Hulk. The loser had to paint himself green.

— Nikhil Saluja

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

— Nikhil Saluja

One thing nice about being dead is that you immediately become eligible to appear on stamps and money.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I do something like a ninja and there is nobody around to see!

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Where have you been all my life? She: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja