Best of luck not getting murdered by the roommate you found on Craigslist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Freedom of speech is lost when you get into a relationship and she is beautiful — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this: Mypenisinhermouth. What did you read? My pen is in her mouth.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Person: So what are you going to be for Halloween? You: Well I was wondering if I could borrow the mask youre… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When guys ask you to send a picture of yourself...we're not asking for the one you took with your grandma last night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have to continue reminding myself that it's Halloween so I can't rely on my instincts to shoot zombies in the head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my bitch button and we'll be great — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for not making anyone else be married to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Getting off the internet at night is usually the hardest part of the day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just saw two deaf girls arguing, one said, 'BITCH better keep my name out your hands.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want the type of relationship that Rick Ross has with his refrigerator. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If internet was a human being; Every time he slow, I will put extra coffee to him — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Liking ur own status on face book is like giving urself a high five in real life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your iPhone 5 will be the perfect device to play with while you're waiting in line for the iPhone 5S. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face! You (calmly): Its not in your face, its in my hand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boy; Wait! Don't step on it! Girl; Why? Boy; Coz when mommy does, she cries — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This claw machine is going to kill me. All I want is my damn teddy bear. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitch, you're a booty call stop putting your relationship status as it's complicated — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel people in their stomachs? It's something to think about — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and liars. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
