Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If the grass is greener on the other side watch out, there must be a septic tank! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries free of charge — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HARRY POTTER CONDOMS: In case you need an invisibility cloak for your wand while entering the chamber of secrets so you don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex is like a gas station, sometimes you get full service, sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So first it was The end of the world now it's zombie appocalypse,What's next? Dinosaurs are going to rise up and eat… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'seriously?' option in the reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was going to post a status,but then I remebered I have family on facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man post a status onto his wall, ''tonight I'm gonna sleep in terrace'' 55 mosquitos likes — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just because you say Swag in every other sentence doesn't mean you have it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Charging your phone 5 minutes before you leave, because you think it will make a difference. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone say's I like your shirt.. I look down to see what I'm wearing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a memory foam mattress...and I really hope that it doesn't remember everything. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was little sticking my tongue out was like giving some one the middle finger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would watch NASCAR if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey autocorrect, stop messing with my damn curse words. You mother forklift. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder what the blood alcohol level is of all these mosquitos that keep biting me? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People say you can't live without love but I think oxygen is more important — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
