I've always wondered why it's called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't care about your opinion or my cameras; my mirror thinks I'm sexy, therefore I'm a sexy-beast! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is so much drama on Facebook, I'm surprised that they don't have an awards show. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The origin of the word Boob: The B is the aerial view, the oo is the front view, the b is the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont ask for a blow job because the word job makes it sound like its strenuous physical labor. Instead, I ask… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yelling At Me Is Like Yelling At A Wall, You Can Yell All You Want But Your Never Gonna Get A Answer,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When somebody calls you UGLY, here's what you have got to say: UGLY never starts with 'I' it always starts with 'U'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark! Help!'. I just laughed, I knew that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got my passport application forms sent back. Apparently the question Place of Birth? Between my mothers legs isn't acceptable. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If we all end up in prison one day for illegal music downloads, I can only hope that they divide us by… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh sorry, I couldn't hear you over the imaginary sex I was having with you in my head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't want to hear you complain about the heat unless you are planning to take off all your clothes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They should name hurricanes with black people names. I'd be terrified of hurricane Shanaynay. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't afford porn, just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think people know the difference between someone giving you a compliment and someone being thirsty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind it to show it to his friends. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is wondering exactly what the individual who discovered milk was initially doing with the cow.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with This girl I know.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not saying you're a slut, I'm just saying you've put more balls in your mouth than hungry hungry hippo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if there will be a day where they were fucking sick of making calendars? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...instead, there's such thing as not enough beer!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The most important in movie is having a bad character; Not the Hero and the Heroine — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when someone farts in the elevator and looks at you to see if you notice :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
