Old people at weddings always poke me and say You're Next. So I started doing the same to them at funerals — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkard laugh when no sound comes out and your clapping like a retarted seal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That mini heart attack moment when you don't feel your phone in your pocket. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Deleting your Facebook is like running away from home. You're only doing it for attention and you'll be back in a day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I get introduced to someone I ask them 'Team Edward or Team Jacob?' It helps me separate the freaks & douches… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got thrown out of my local bookshop for moving the Caution - Wet Floor sign and placing it next to the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...'That looks tasty, I'm… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only 'B' word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm singing a song and somebody corrects me -.- b*tch what if I was freestyling?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I found out that Snooki got a book deal I was more confused than a blind lesbian at a fish market. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He is so lazy that if there were work in bed,he would rather sleep on the floor. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a friend whose status says Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked him!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me:Im finally happy:)..Life:Oh damn, That can't happen. Let me throw something bad in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is if you caught me then you were speeding too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think I could ever stab someone...I can barely get the straw in the Capri-Sun. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Welcome to 2012: Presidents are black, rappers are white, and asians play basketball. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
