That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk has to explain what he was doing to the cow. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy just to check out ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never argue with an idiot. People watching won't be able to tell the difference — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them…Sometimes there is some SENSE in NONSENSE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just f%cked you, and this is crazy. The condom broke, so here's your baby. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Music, Sleep, Sex, and video games are the most effective stress relievers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits so when you add someone it'll say 'You are now friends with benefits!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think the woman who invented the phrase 'All Men Are The Same' was a chinese woman who lost her husband in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember... I KNOW… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've always had a feeling that maybe God and Satan were females.. because guys can't keep grudges for this long.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...Ohh sorry that's vodka…vodka does that. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You may think I'm stupid or blind to what's going on but the truth is I know & I'm saving that all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when the teacher is helping someone next to you and their butt in in your face!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your ass is like a wallet without cash, jeans without pockets... flat and useless. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a disorder where I stay up all night and eat ... Its called insom-nom-nom-nia — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh, you sent me an event invite on Facebook? Weve never met and you live 2,400 miles away, of course Ill go. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram...Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: Come on! You learned this in 3rd grade! Me: I can't remember what I ate for breakfast. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Officer to drunk boy : How high are you? Drunk Boy: No officer, its Hi! How are you? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
