Open your eyes, close your mouth; See the flies, froze your laugh, cuz you now in dustbin — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My insomnia is so bad that even when I do sleep I dream about lying awake. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Perks of knowing me: You can stand beside me and look 100 times more attractive than you actually are ... :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers?? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a bra is called an 'over the shoulder bolder holder' then would you call men's underwear 'under the but nut hut' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thinks its funny when girls use slutty profile pics to get attention, might as well have a status that says my shit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of another car and realize there's someone inside. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it &… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Relationships nowadays = First week: I love you baby.. Second week: Together forever.. Third week: Single.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If 2 liars are talking to each other, do they believe what the other is saying? Just curious.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend took a pregnancy test today, and my worst fears have been realized.. she's just fat.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated". — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got expelled from the public library for putting all the 'Women's Rights' books in the fiction section. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've given up trying to escape from reality..they always find me anyway!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man is a king, a king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches, still think ur a man? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I Should Say I Keep On Drooling When I Look at You...CAuse You Look Like Big Fat Pig ..O_O — Anonymous Copy Share Image
English teachers tend to put more thought in the books than the author did — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
