Q: Why do women live longer than men? A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife always complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive... so I took her to the Gas Station. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I make weird faces in photos because its better to look ugly on purpose. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I'm almost done banging a chick I hear the Mortal Kombat voice in my head FINISH HER — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life would be much easier if mosquitoes sucked, tension instead of blood — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are trying to get out of the aisle at the movies, and you have to pass by people, do you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder how some people can keep up with both their Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook...I cant even keep up with the Kardashians. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If You Want To Remove Your Wrinkles, Pimples, Face Marks & The Signs Of Skin Aging Try . . . . . . ADOBE PHOTOSHOP.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Gently placing your finger on someone's lips and saying Shh, not another word is super romantic... but cops don't seem to think… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just thought I'd let you know I've been diagnosed with awesomeness. You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People be drop outta school, get a job at McDonald's, and be all like I'm grinding ...On my grind ...yeah Grind me… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop it because I hate the f*cking beeping… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, Youll rock like SHAKIRA :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My penis should make me breakfast on morning. It is always up before I am. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook … — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched 'Disney Channel' today, he would cry — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If days of the week were sex acts, Monday would be a dry, passionless, handjob... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife said she wanted something that went from 0 to 400 in 2 seconds…I got her a bathroom scale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm sorry, call me old fashioned but I think your shorts should be longer than your vagina. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Obamacare is bringing relief to the millions of Americans who don't have to sign up for Obamacare. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'I need a boyfriend', No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm glad you work out your issues on Facebook rather than half-naked on stage in front of millions of people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
