I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught, It's like Facebook but real life..:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My mind says Victoria Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, pizza, food. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Are we celebrating the fact that Guy Fawkes got caught trying to blow up parliament or he tried to have a go… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you are chatting with someone you like but triangle disturb it; until you type some superstitious word, and they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when girls are so insecure about them self's when they're freakin beautiful! It makes me think they just want attention!! .. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Truth is lms... truth is no one cares about likeing your status beacuse everyone knows what the truth is cus u post… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boy killed a butterfly, dad saidNo butter for u He killed a honeybee, dad said No honey for u. Mom killed a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A wise man once said... relationships are like jacking off… no doubt, they're amazing.. but they always end in a mess. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dont be a racist. Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber; created by Japanese people, who speak English and look like Mexicans. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: Which Is More Important To You? Your Life Or Me? Boy: Before I Answer That, Let Me Ask You Something. .… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At the eye doctor...Doctor: Please read the lowest line you can. Me: Made in China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it's only a poster on a wall. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you predict the end of the world and nothing happens :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That Rebecca Black moment when you get on the bus & don't know which seat to take. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If climbing the highest mountain on earth is the only way for him to be mine.. then I'd rather go shopping! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's perfectly legal to be stupid at times but some people just completely take advantage. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT AND I'M AT HOME ON FACEBOOK DON'T LAUGH SO ARE YOU... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes . — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Changing your entire message because you don't know how to spell one word!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you think you're having a bad day just picture a T-Rex trying to masturbate. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
