“If rubber bands played basketball, I’d tell them, You have to be better down the stretch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d collaborate with my clones, because I’m a team player who wants all the credit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted to call some plays. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Generally, competition is a good thing. But not when it’s between two nipples, specifically mine, over which one can suck the most.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I met a man who had eleven sons, the first thing I’d ask is, Are they all yours? And of course… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldn’t tell because I was already sitting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Flavors of Louisiana is the 1996 of restaurants. I ate tasty Gator like the time The University of Nebraska's football team beat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put a basketball hoop in the trees, to help the squirrels and give them a nice net to store their nuts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldnt tell because I was already sitting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t make a free throw if the basket were as big as the Grand Canyon. But I’d love to ride a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is used to label a missed shot in basketball. However, a better term to call a missed shot, or any… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Coaching is the only thing where the more someone else practices, the better you get. That’s my kind of hard work. People… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally shared by two or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I meet a European, the first thing I say is, “I’d much rather watch football than football.” But I’m just teasing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you perform too well, you get punished by winning. This feeling is transitory, and after the celebration is over, all you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Competitively, I’m looking for the edge. I need to shave off inefficiencies and get rid of this Beard of Mediocrity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After my first coaching experience, the field looked more like Gettysburg than a normal defeat. But it wasn’t that bad, as only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My first coaching experience led to a 77-0 defeat. But that’s not so bad, considering I taught the team one important thing:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll watch the Final Four when there are three teams playing at once for two titles and one large bag of regrets.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The basketball team was trailing by three points. I trail by four points—north, south, east, and west. I also trail by covered… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a battle of believability, the winner is the one with the best body language, not the clearest logic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Where there’s a winner, there’s a loser, and always at the same time. Occasionally even in the same person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s a winner and a millionaire four times over. Though I’m not a millionaire, I’ve at least won five times.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should be a coach, because when my players win, I win. But when my players lose, what a bunch of losers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
