It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
The danger for a comedian on Twitter is the same danger that any civilian faces: sometimes you gotta put that phone down… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
I can say that I'm a feminist and I try to be progressive and all that stuff. But I when I'm tired or when… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
People who concern themselves with the rights of other adults who engage in consensual acts involving sex, love, and/or eating croissants together are damaged… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“If you ask someone out and they say no, try it again in a few minutes wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.” — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“Willful ignorance or resistance to alleged facts has been a big ingredient in any success I’ve had.” — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“Cheesecake. Are you shitting me? Who invented that? Probably Jesus of Nazareth. Or maybe Louis Pasteur. It makes me physically sick to think that… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“I like to imagine that those dead, unloved nut jobs became friends under the earth and have their little crazy community where they show… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
