“I could see that she was eager to please and impress me, and I was excited to see someone so excited to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and an erection the size of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m so excited and lonely all at once. Just once. Not twice, because that’d be a couple, and couple’s can’t be lonely. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I get excited I drool. That’s why I buy bibs wholesale from my dentist. Based on that alone you could label… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not a king, but you can call me His Royal Hoorayness. If you did that, I’d be excited enough to deserve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
