My girlfriend buys stuff from Trader Joe's, and it's just subpar. When you buy a burrito, it crumbles the way a proper… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy really does change people's minds; I think you can only get someone who is almost ready to change their mind.… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
There's a fallacy with stand up comedy, which is, people come up to comedians, and they go, 'You say what I think but I'm… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think that I am a Lefty in the sense that I grew up in countries that have a universal health-care system, but… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I like to weed out the people who aren't going to enjoy me straight off the bat. If you look at all my specials,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I used to be of the opinion that it didn't matter who you voted for. The world balanced itself out and kept on truckin'.… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
In my own life, hate has consumed me at times. Or envy. When my TV show was canceled, I didn't think it deserved to… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
There's a theory with comedy that you shouldn't do anything that's too topical in your specials because people won't be able to watch them… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I have an uncle I no longer talk to because of a joke I made about my grandmother, who is his mother. He's an… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
If I didn't have a gig, I used to ring up all the comedy clubs across the country and go, 'If anyone drops out,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God. — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
