Stan: (Picks up telephone) This is Stan Smith. Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son. Stan: Oh, God, he's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for this for years.… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Man: You are all going to live... (Smith family cheers) Man: ... for 24 more hours. Which is just enough time for you to… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Man: Good news. Apparently, that batch of virus was inert, so that means... Stan: We're going to be okay. Man: Yes, although apparently your… — American Dad Copy Share Image
God, please watch over the soul of this dead dog and carry him up to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: Francine, what the hell is going on? You were fired. (Donald Trump comes in) Stan: That's passive past tense, Trump! You don't own… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Hayley: It's just toast, Dad. Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time. — American Dad Copy Share Image
Francine: This is a wonderful starter home. I've been saving it for a couple just like you. Woman: Pretty soon, we're gonna be more… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Steve: This is it. I have absolute power. (Over intercom) Doris, could you please send in our high school mascot? (Man dressed in a… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: Francine, I want you to stop this nonsense. Francine: "Nonsense"? This job is my career. Stan: No, my job is a career. This… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: What makes you think you're gonna survive? Roger: My species is immune to all human ailments. Stan: So explain that cold sore. Roger:… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines! (Explosion) What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say? Steve: You said,… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Girl: Hey, I love your dog. Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer? Girl: Okay. Guy: And then… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Steve: Bobby, get over here, I want my Shazzam shirt dry cleaned and pressed by third period. Oh, and another thing, all periods will… — American Dad Copy Share Image
By the way, Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, these Chocodiles Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, oh my God! -Roger — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: (With gun, searching the house) Osama, is that you? (Hears noise, fires gun) Roger: Geez, Stan, what gives? Holy Toledo, you killed your… — American Dad Copy Share Image
Stan: Uh, excuse me, are you Francine's boss? Man: Yes. Stan: (Into wrist communicator) Go! Go! Go! You're all under arrest. Man: For what?… — American Dad Copy Share Image
