“All human development, according to Silvan Tompkins, is rooted in affect (feeling) dynamics because affects (feelings) are the primary innate biological motivator of human life. Our anger is the energy that gives us strength. The Incredible Hulk becomes the huge,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Our sadness is an energy we discharge in order to heal. …Sadness is painful. We try to avoid it. Actually discharging sadness releases the energy involved in our emotional pain. To hold it in is to freeze the pain within… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing too loud. Much dysfunctional shame occurs at the dinner table. Children are forced to eat when they are not hungry. Sometimes children are forced to eat what they do not find appetizing. Being exiled to the… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore. — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.” — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked doors. It also involves the children being allowed no privacy. They are walked in on in the bathroom. They are not taught to lock their doors or given permission to lock their doors. Parents need to… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s case it was sex. Over the course of his childhood, his developmental needs became associated with his sex drive. This eventually resulted in the conversion of emotional needing into sexuality. Whenever Max felt insecure, anxious or… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value if one does not value oneself. Toxic shame is multigenerational. It is passed from one generation to the next. Shame-based people find other shame-based people and get married. As each member of a couple carries the… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
