I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
The question is not, "Why is there only one way to God?" but "Why is there even one way?" — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you. — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
How could passion run so deep Had I never thought That the crime of being born Blackens all our lot? — William Butler Yeats Copy Share Image
I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. — Bruce Lee Copy Share Image
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
To me, Doors fans were always the 16-year-old idiots at parties, getting stoned, and talking about how Morrison's lyrics were like poetry...… — Bruce McCulloch Copy Share Image
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable-until I realized it wasn't a… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I? — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second,… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I had learned to respect the intelligence, integrity, creativity and capacity for deep thought and hard work latent somewhere in every child;… — Sybil Marshall Copy Share Image
I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Mysterious power, whence hope ethereal springs! Sweet heavenly relic of eternal things! Inspiring oft deep thoughts of things divine: The past, the… — Parley P. Pratt Copy Share Image
Creativity doesn’t come from glancing quickly at your Twitter feed while in line at Starbucks. It comes from deep thought. It comes… — Joshua Rogers Copy Share Image
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks."… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I not only think but also look and study things carefully. When I travel around, I look at things carefully, make comparisons… — Mahathir Mohamad Copy Share Image
“The coops were finished. They were not masterpieces, and I have seen chickens pause before them in deep thought, as who should… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“And yet the debate was highly informative—if you turned the sound off. The event was broadcast with a split screen so that… — P.J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Hey! look at us We're digging and digging Into stubborn, ancient earth; We're discovering Where we came from, and how we came.… — Lois A. Cheney Copy Share Image
I think of tomorrow going shopping, hanging out with good friends and family and then I thought to myself if people find… — Maureen Renfro Copy Share Image
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We believe we are hurt when we don't receive love. But that is not what hurts us. Our pain comes when we… — Alan Cohen Copy Share Image
I have a tendency to hurt myself physically, when I'm hurting inside. I hurt myself today to see if I still feel.… — She's_gone Copy Share Image
“... intellectuals seemed to think that their life - the life of the mind, the endless self examination, the continuous autobiography afflicted… — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
