My girlfriend buys stuff from Trader Joe's, and it's just subpar. When you buy a burrito, it crumbles the way a proper burrito shouldn't. Everything's just crap there. — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy really does change people's minds; I think you can only get someone who is almost ready to change their mind.… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
There's a fallacy with stand up comedy, which is, people come up to comedians, and they go, 'You say what I think but I'm… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think that I am a Lefty in the sense that I grew up in countries that have a universal health-care system, but… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I like to weed out the people who aren't going to enjoy me straight off the bat. If you look at all my specials,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I used to be of the opinion that it didn't matter who you voted for. The world balanced itself out and kept on truckin'.… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
In my own life, hate has consumed me at times. Or envy. When my TV show was canceled, I didn't think it deserved to… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
There's a theory with comedy that you shouldn't do anything that's too topical in your specials because people won't be able to watch them… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I have an uncle I no longer talk to because of a joke I made about my grandmother, who is his mother. He's an… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
If I didn't have a gig, I used to ring up all the comedy clubs across the country and go, 'If anyone drops out,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God. — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment,… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
![“I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and all that type of bullshit, going up there and doing a flat 20 [minutes]. I reckon I'd have better stagecraft and presence than Jesus. Yea, I'm a better stand-up comedian than…” quote by Jim Jefferies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0fb/jim-jefferies-8092_blessed_i-wouldn-t-mind-gigging-around-the-same_24477.jpg)
