HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
