When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
