I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling. — P. J. O'Rourke Children Copy Share Image
I think the Baby Boom has enjoyed itself, maybe sometimes a little too much, and we're continuing to enjoy ourselves, maybe a… — P. J. O'Rourke Baby Copy Share Image
I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is very hard now to shock people into thinking about government regulation and the extent of government involvement in life. — P. J. O'Rourke Government Copy Share Image
The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. — P. J. O'Rourke Amendment Copy Share Image
I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon… — P. J. O'Rourke Agendas Copy Share Image
The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This… — P. J. O'Rourke Comfort Copy Share Image
We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England… — P. J. O'Rourke Bicycle Copy Share Image
Name me, if you can, a better feeling than the one you get when you've half a bottle of Chivas in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Hunter S. Thompson and I are old friends, but what we do is so different. There are surface similarities that really have… — P. J. O'Rourke Being frustrated Copy Share Image
Americans are good at pursuing happiness. And the Americans who pursue happiness most diligently show that we're also good at running it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A cocktail party is what you call it when you invite everyone you know to come over to your house at six… — P. J. O'Rourke Cigarette Copy Share Image
One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point. — P. J. O'Rourke Education Copy Share Image
Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. — P. J. O'Rourke Animals Copy Share Image
I covered the Lebanese civil war. I could see a place that had once been prosperous and now was impoverished. I'm not… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding debt. — P. J. O'Rourke Awe Copy Share Image
Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley! — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So,… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. — P. J. O'Rourke California Copy Share Image
Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference. — P. J. O'Rourke Democrats Copy Share Image
I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. — P. J. O'Rourke Charm Copy Share Image
It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics. — P. J. O'Rourke Allocate Copy Share Image
Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment. — P. J. O'Rourke Failure Copy Share Image
Obama, in pursuit of power, has been as greedy and irresponsible as any Wall Street tycoon in pursuit of money. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed. — P. J. O'Rourke Birthday Copy Share Image
In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. — P. J. O'Rourke Country Copy Share Image
The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. — P. J. O'Rourke Eagerly Copy Share Image
Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities. — P. J. O'Rourke Absurd Copy Share Image
