If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation. — Lundy Bancroft Abusers Copy Share Image
“-He drives recklessly or speeds up when he’s angry. -He punches walls or kicks doors. -He throws things around, even if they… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“An abuser's behavior is primarily conscious – he acts deliberately rather than by accident or by losing control of himself – but… — Lundy Bancroft Habits Copy Share Image
“An abuser can be thought of not as a man who is a "deviant," but rather as one who learned his society's… — Lundy Bancroft Abuser Copy Share Image
“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The underlying attitude comes bursting out of his words: He believes his wife is keeping something of his away from him when… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Encourage the women in your life—your friends, sisters, mothers, daughters—to insist on dignity and respect, to have faith in themselves, to be… — Lundy Bancroft Dignity and respect Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Drill Sergeant are: I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong. I… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Resistance never disappears; it waits in the shadows, sometimes for many years, and then eventually sprouts again. You may have gone through… — Lundy Bancroft Dark times Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Almost no abuser is mean or frightening all the time. At least occasionally, he is loving, gentle, and humorous and perhaps even… — Lundy Bancroft Abuser Copy Share Image
“As I have explained in earlier chapters, abusiveness has little to do with psychological problems and everything to do with values and… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Sensitive are: I’m against the macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive. As long as I use… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The salient point about remorse, however, is that it matters little whether it is genuine or not. Clients who get very sorry after acts… — Lundy Bancroft Change Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So… — Lundy Bancroft Conflict resolution Copy Share Image
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Outside of my professional life, I have known many couples over the years who had passion and electricity between them and who… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The volatile, abusive, and sometimes dangerous reactions that abusers can have when relationships draw to a close have often been considered, especially… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“There are two main principles to keep in mind when deciding how much potential an abuser has to become a kind, respectful… — Lundy Bancroft Hope for the future Copy Share Image
Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“He doesn't object to her sexualization, he just wants to be in control of it, and he wants it oriented towards his… — Lundy Bancroft Parenting Copy Share Image
