Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not “cure” partner abuse.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“-He drives recklessly or speeds up when he’s angry. -He punches walls or kicks doors. -He throws things around, even if they… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE ABUSER’S PROBLEM IS NOT THAT HE RESPONDS INAPPROPRIATELY TO CONFLICT. HIS ABUSIVENESS IS OPERATING PRIOR TO THE CONFLICT: IT USUALLY CREATES… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“As a product of Anglo-Saxon-Protestant culture, I am familiar with its centuries-old tradition of hiding its abuse of women under pretty packaging.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The underlying attitude comes bursting out of his words: He believes his wife is keeping something of his away from him when… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“A man’s beliefs about the effects of the substance will largely be borne out. If he believes that alcohol can make him… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever suffered a sharp disappointment or a painful loss and found yourself looking for someone to blame? Have you, for… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“To make matters worse, everyone she talks to has a different opinion about the nature of his problem and what she should… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Consider how challenging it is to negotiate or compromise with a man who operates on the following tenets (whether or not he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
