The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The volatile, abusive, and sometimes dangerous reactions that abusers can have when relationships draw to a close have often been considered, especially… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Outside of my professional life, I have known many couples over the years who had passion and electricity between them and who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Player are: Women were put on this earth to have sex with men—especially me. Women who want… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“As I have explained in earlier chapters, abusiveness has little to do with psychological problems and everything to do with values and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Victim are: Everybody has done me wrong, especially the women I’ve been involved with. Poor me. When… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Alcohol does not a change a person’s fundamental value system. People’s personalities when intoxicated, even though somewhat altered, still bear some relationship… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
