“Our society should not buy into the abusive man's claim that holding him accountable is an act of cruelty.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Abused women aren't "codependent." It is abusers, not their partners, who create abusive relationships.” — Lundy Bancroft Abused women Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not “cure” partner abuse.” — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“In short, the abusive mentality is the mentality of oppression.” — Lundy Bancroft Mentality Copy Share Image
As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Children do best when parents are neither overly strict nor overly permissive, providing firm structure but also allowing for dialogue, respectful conflict,… — Lundy Bancroft Best parents Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“THE ABUSER’S PROBLEM IS NOT THAT HE RESPONDS INAPPROPRIATELY TO CONFLICT. HIS ABUSIVENESS IS OPERATING PRIOR TO THE CONFLICT: IT USUALLY CREATES… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“As a product of Anglo-Saxon-Protestant culture, I am familiar with its centuries-old tradition of hiding its abuse of women under pretty packaging.” — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
We hear from time to time about horrible human rights atrocities happening around the globe. Our government claims that it stands in… — Lundy Bancroft Atrocities Copy Share Image
“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. (..) Men… — Lundy Bancroft Slap in the face Copy Share Image
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are… — Lundy Bancroft Abusers Copy Share Image
“A man’s beliefs about the effects of the substance will largely be borne out. If he believes that alcohol can make him… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Have you ever noticed that people sometimes quit a job soon after returning from a vacation? We all have a higher tolerance… — Lundy Bancroft Freedom Copy Share Image
“Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Have you ever suffered a sharp disappointment or a painful loss and found yourself looking for someone to blame? Have you, for… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Each boy’s socialization is unique. Even two siblings close in age do not learn identical values. Culture is thus transmitted on a… — Lundy Bancroft Children Copy Share Image
“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Every aspect of the multipronged legal system even today is dominated by males: police, prosecutors, judges, probation officers. In addition, the state… — Lundy Bancroft Abuser Copy Share Image
“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“To make matters worse, everyone she talks to has a different opinion about the nature of his problem and what she should… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“Consider how challenging it is to negotiate or compromise with a man who operates on the following tenets (whether or not he… — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Abusive-men Copy Share Image
Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself. — Lundy Bancroft Abuse Copy Share Image
