Alexandra Petri

Good laughs melt out of memory pretty quickly.

— Alexandra Petri

If awkward has an antithesis, it is probably Barack Obama.

— Alexandra Petri

I can be serious for an hour; then I have to go lie down.

— Alexandra Petri

Some information is important, and some is not, and intelligence consists in knowing one from the other.

— Alexandra Petri

“Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, where books are concerned.”

— Alexandra Petri

I love Gene Weingarten's feature writing with the passion of a thousand suns.

— Alexandra Petri

President Obama deserves our unalloyed praise for hastening Osama bin Laden's demise.

— Alexandra Petri

By isolating ourselves from those with whose opinions we disagree, we lose the ability to defend our beliefs.

— Alexandra Petri

Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month.

— Alexandra Petri

When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to…

— Alexandra Petri

Anything you loved, however intensely, becomes mortifying the moment you cease to love it.

— Alexandra Petri

Harvard is a wondrously tolerant climate for debate and exchange among a wide variety of thoughts, backgrounds, and beliefs, but the voice…

— Alexandra Petri

Nearly everything faith-related that I have done at Harvard has been followed by free food, from going to services at Harvard's Episcopal…

— Alexandra Petri

Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee…

— Alexandra Petri

Being a person of faith is just another of a wide range of fun activities available to those who come to Harvard.…

— Alexandra Petri

Stereotyped as convention-going, pocket-protector-wearing, chess-playing, infrequently-showering types, nerds are one of our society's most ridiculed groups. And, for a university with an…

— Alexandra Petri

Woodstock didn't define a generation because everyone showed up or those who did were a perfectly representative sample. It defined a generation…

— Alexandra Petri

Harvard prides itself on its diversity - economic, racial, social, geographical - but it remains intellectually segregated. It's not what conservative commentators…

— Alexandra Petri

Bills ought to be passed with deliberation by committees. Change should be achieved in a bipartisan manner. Incrementally, day by day, we…

— Alexandra Petri

No matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are at what you do, even if a golden path rolls…

— Alexandra Petri

Comedy and politics have a lot in common. Both are great ways to pick up chicks - just look at Governor Spitzer.…

— Alexandra Petri

The worst thing that happens to you at college if you fail to get out of bed in time is that you…

— Alexandra Petri

“Like anyone growing up after 1980, I always had a dim, nagging sense, that I was supposed to be famous for something.…

— Alexandra Petri

I am a millennial. Destruction is all I know. I no longer care what I wipe from the face of the Earth.

— Alexandra Petri

The biggest way to be productive is if you're procrastinating on another more important project.

— Alexandra Petri

The problem with technology, as with fashion, is that it's impossible to be 'in' forever.

— Alexandra Petri

Dull words are what make many bright sentences shine. They do not call attention to themselves.

— Alexandra Petri

History contains heroes, but no one is a hero entirely, and no one is a hero for very long.

— Alexandra Petri

Harvard pulsates with life and thought of all kinds, and religion should not be left out of its ongoing discussions.

— Alexandra Petri

I know from personal experience that it is extremely difficult to read while you work out, especially on a Stairmaster.

— Alexandra Petri

A picture may be worth 1,000 words, but I think if the picture is made in MS Paint, the going rate might…

— Alexandra Petri

The difference between face-to-face conversation and any other medium of communication is simple: No distractions are permitted.

— Alexandra Petri

You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.

— Alexandra Petri

I swear like a sailor, assuming the sailor in question died in 1800 and was really square.

— Alexandra Petri

YouTube is covered in comments that would be better expressed - and better spelled - via a simple thumbs-up or down.

— Alexandra Petri

Yale students want to impress you with what they're doing. Harvard students want to impress you with how cool they look while…

— Alexandra Petri

If you're doing what you do because you love it, you have room to be happy for others. And that's a lot…

— Alexandra Petri

I tend to process stuff by making jokes about it. It's something that makes me annoying to be around in times of…

— Alexandra Petri

At college, everyone's milestones occurred in shared clumps. Everyone studied, caroused, won, lost - simultaneously. Life is not like that.

— Alexandra Petri

One of the things I try to do - and I always regret when I'm not doing it - is I try…

— Alexandra Petri