Forced to confront a reptile or an international financial crisis, I'll take the reptile every time. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
People talk to pass the time, share information, and entertain each other. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Anything you loved, however intensely, becomes mortifying the moment you cease to love it. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
I tend to process stuff by making jokes about it. It's something that makes me annoying to be around in times of… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
I majored in extracurriculars, honestly. I joined the Harvard Stand Up Comedy Society, which is a ragtag band of misfits. I wrote… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
All that time that we spend tweeting our thoughts and emotions to our next of kin, we could be writing the great… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
In high school, you at least have to get up at a reasonable hour and show up at places on time. College,… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Comedy and politics have a lot in common. Both are great ways to pick up chicks - just look at Governor Spitzer.… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
The worst thing that happens to you at college if you fail to get out of bed in time is that you… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee shops instead… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
You can be brilliant in some ways and despicable in others. You can be a clean, upright, moral individual in your private life who… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
Success is like food caught in your teeth: much more noticeable when it happens to other people. If it happens to you, other people… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
I majored in extracurriculars, honestly. I joined the Harvard Stand Up Comedy Society, which is a ragtag band of misfits. I wrote for 'On… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
Dull words are what make many bright sentences shine. They do not call attention to themselves. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
Bills ought to be passed with deliberation by committees. Change should be achieved in a bipartisan manner. Incrementally, day by day, we should reach… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
George Washington didn't have to make us laugh; he just had to establish precedents and avoid chopping down more cherry trees than he could… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
At Harvard, people like to impart the idea that you are a mover and shaker. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
It's easier to find the joke in something when you think, 'This - this is ridiculous.' — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
The desire for attention has become a primal need along the lines of food, water, and clothing. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
The biggest way to be productive is if you're procrastinating on another more important project. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
As long as cantankerous old people have existed, they have complained that kids nowadays don't seem to know anything. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share
