If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn't…

“But beneath them all, at the very bottom of the stack, is a worn and slightly tattered magazine called African Mamas Sucking Hog. I…

— Andre Dubus III

“Bitch, have you been getting collagen in those lips? You look like you gave a blow job to a Hoover attachment.”

— Heidi Cullinan

“You took out a book on blow-job technique from the British Library? They shouldn't have books like that in there!”

— Sarra Manning

“Of course, a blow job given in friendship isn't the most arousing, but it stays in the memory longer.”

— Bruce Benderson

“Life ain't all blow jobs and ice cream. Sometimes it's a shit sandwich and a kick in the nuts.”

— Matt Cole

“Jesus, Martin, what the hell do I pay you for?” “My good looks, the occasional blow job, and my constant supply of Jim Beam.”…

— Adrienne Wilder

When I was meeting people in L.A., guys always thought if they paid for dinner, they deserved a blow job. But generally, I'll say…

— Katy Perry

“She’s calling our house. What ten-year-old girl needs to call a boy’s house? A slutty ten-year-old girl, that’s who. She’s got her sights on…

— Tara Sivec

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

— Larry David

“It was on the table when I got here," Matt said in his defense. Josh eyed the open magazine. "You don't already know how…

— Jill Shalvis

“Calm down, calm down. Deep breath,” Colleen whispered. “It's showtime. He's a nice guy, you're a nice woman.” “Hey, Paulie,” Bryce said as he…

— Kristan Higgins

“It doesn’t matter anyway!” Patrick couldn’t sit down. He couldn’t. “It’s not like sex is anything to shout about! It’s icky, and the guy…

— Amy Lane

“He's just pissed because he's been married for so fucking long, he can't remember what a blow job feels like," Matt says, earning a…

— Kristen Proby

Basically my new litmus test for people is, do they make me hear about a blow job they gave in the first ten minutes…

— Lena Dunham

“With a soft gasp from Aaron, the soundtrack started up in Joey’s brain again. Goldfrapp’s “Ooh La La” was perfect for blow jobs. If…

— K.A. Mitchell