“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The smell of sex always reminds me of summer youth camps growing up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you sound like shit, you sound like smell—which is crazy because smell looks like blindness, with a mustache.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Elevators are supposed to smell like urine. That's what make the jazz playing through the overhead speakers sound more authentic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don't like musty smells. I much prefer less definitive fragrances, like the scent of maybe.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live in the armpit of the country. I can tell by how hairy and smelly and hilly it is.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiffed medium or large.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you could smell my smile, you’d nose how bad I want to kiss you. But you can’t, and I don’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My armpits smell like a baboon belch, which doesn’t make me want to shower, as you’d imagine, but rather it makes me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today somebody asked me if I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose? “Oh my God,” I said,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Each one of my nostrils is the size of my urethra. Every breath smells like piss.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you own the most profitable manure distribution warehouse in the world, you might not like the smell of success.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He was washing his socks. But they were already clean, so I figured I’d help him and wear them for him and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I have to say is grandma… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My facial features smell as rugged as a rose looks. Isn’t my nose the most romantically smelling thing?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, because I just walked past a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll exhale hot breath into my palm before touching you, because I have cold hands, and also because your hands smell like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love sounds like an elephant weighs. I know, because I’ve seen it with my own two nostrils. I’ve grown fat on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried to make it out in the moment, while we were making out, but now I’ve got it. That odor was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His breath smelled like a one-inch tall man wearing stinky socks used his tongue as a treadmill. Talking to him only reminded… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love the smell of cleanliness. That’s what the inside of my nostrils smell like, naturally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After a long day of screaming at the trees, I smell like a skyscraper. Would you care to ride on my elevator… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I still get the urge to stuff asparagus up my nostrils, even though I don't like the way it makes my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground. Especially if that hole is hairy and emits foul odors.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life’s like brown sugar sprinkled on shit. Sure it tastes great, if you don’t mind the smell.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
