“The only thing better than being productive, is being reproductive. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My goal is to do the most with the least—get the maximum output with the minimum input.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m productive. I make something. I make a difference in the world. But to be honest, China can make it cheaper. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do something productive, like painting or procrastinating or protesting—which is just a combination of the first two.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can do a week in a weekend. That’s not how efficient I am, that’s how little I work.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used at the end of meetings, to wrap things up—sort of like a big office burrito of productivity. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in the trunk of a car manufacturer’s competitor, to increase the odds of decreasing their fuel efficiency. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d prefer going on a date with 10 women at once. Not only might I get a bulk discount at the restaurant,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
