Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called "parents of children in the spelling bee." They're trying to… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.” — craig ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you don't recognize the name. A magazine is something people… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
