Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with! — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The 3-D effects in "Star Wars" are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't know how much of a natural human I am. Y'know, the truth is, I never set out to do that,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
