Joke Quotes · Page 31

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

— Wanda Sykes

I did the commencement speech at UNH in 2006, and one of the biggest jokes was a 'Guts' joke.

— Mike O'Malley

If a joke makes our tribe laugh, we assume it will make other friend-tribes laugh.

— Jay Chandrasekhar

On my adventurers into the porn world, I noticed there's one thing that doesn't exist. Asian men.

— Daniel Ellis

“How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind. Nobody would get the joke anyway.”

— Garrison Keillor

I go inside the Octagon for fight. I don't joke, because it's danger.

— Anderson Silva

“I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.”

— Gustave Eiffel

The critics had an image of me, and they wouldn't accept any other.. I was a cartoon character. A joke.

— Ann-Margret

High school wasn't a trial by fire or some ordeal that had to be survived. It was all a big joke. You…

— Scott Westerfeld

There are so many times where I may share a dirty joke or laugh at one, but the due restriction has to…

— Sajid Khan

“As the old computer-science joke goes: “Let’s say you have a problem, and you decide to solve it with regular expressions. Well,…

— Ryan Mitchell

A lot of times people come up to me saying 'oh my god you can see,' and they think they're the first…

— Nat Wolff

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort…

— Todd Barry

The fact that 'Mom' is not joke, joke, joke - and is investing in these characters and their lives, things that really…

— Allison Janney

It is rare for a joke to emerge fully formed and it is worth grafting away until it is absolutely right. Though…

— Richard Herring

Gweneth [sic] Paltrow is a joke. Her life is like taking bullets for a soldier. What a joke! My 2 sons serving…

— Cindy McCain

“This is some sort of joke, isn't it?" asks Hunt, staring at the flawless blue sky and distant fields. I cough as…

— Dan Simmons

“And here I thought I'd get by on my charm and good looks." "That'll get you a first date. It won't get…

— Katee Robert

I guess what Kenny Omega is, even though the image is something that was given to me by New Japan and then…

— Kenny Omega

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule…

— Sam Kinison

“But—let me tell you my cat joke. It's very short and simple. A hostess is giving a dinner party and she's got…

— Philip K. Dick

I am kinda like, if I don't really know people I am a little passive and a little quiet, and you know…

— Fabolous

Early on, people told me I was making Chinese people look bad. I've been living with this accent. I had already been…

— Ronny Chieng

Anna Petrovna (to Shabelsky): You can't make a simple joke without an injection of venom. You are a poisonous man. Joking apart,…

— Anton Chekhov

Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.

— Jennifer Saunders

“It does not mat­ter. The joke is we all have the same punch line.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

I love people who have a good sense of humor, tell a good story, tell a good joke.

— Jason Statham

I joke about it a lot, but I be serious as a heart attack when I say it: I don't wish that…

— Iman Shumpert

Michael Jackson was a joker to his core. He loved a good joke especially if it's displayed on somebody else.

— Siedah Garrett

I thought Twitter was a joke. I really thought it was a gag. I thought it was like National Lampoon or the…

— Walter Becker

I was world champion, but I was never able to celebrate it. It was a joke for me.

— Caster Semenya

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

— Anonymous

If you joke about suicide, you insult those who are connected to someone who has taken their life. Grow up and be…

— Anonymous

Not laughing at a joke because you don't like the person who told it.

— Anonymous

“If you crack a joke right now I swear I will knee you in the junk.”

— Laura Kaye

You never want to defend a joke. People get to choose whether or not to laugh and whether or not they think…

— Larry Wilmore

Essentially a joke is creating an idea, whether sonic or visual, whether it's something musical or a traditional joke.

— Reggie Watts

A True Friend is one who'll laugh in front of you when you're in a position to cry.

— Raghav Singh

I always make the joke that I go home, to one of my homes, to go and do laundry so I can…

— Hugh Masekela

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.

— Margaret Cho